Friday, July 24, 2009

One year ago today...

I would like to start off by saying sorry for the rambling in this post :o).

One year ago today our lives were changed forever. This was the last chance our insurance would pay for an IUI and our next step which was IVF was going to be out of pocket. We had been trying to conceive for over two years and had some really tough months. Dr Lee our Reproductive Endocrinologist was positive from day one that I would get pregnant some day, just not sure when or how. I had already had five months of injections plus medicine, one which worked and ended in an ectopic pregnancy. The shots Brandon had to inject in my stomach were a different brand this month plus I was taking even more medicine. I remember being more nervous this time as I was just drained emotionally and was not sure how many more times I could be disappointed.

After eight days of waiting on August 1st we found out we were expecting, we already knew we were pregnant from a home pregnancy test; I took this 3 days before it should have found a positive pregnancy. The day we found out the IUI worked (officially) the nurse called and told me my HCG numbers, we were hoping for at least 50, and when she said my numbers were 865 I was in disbelief. I asked what this meant and I was told we were most likely pregnant with “at least twins”. When I told Brandon this he went into complete shock and couldn’t wait to get to the doctors’ office for a scan. I repeated blood tests to make sure my levels were not dropping and they just continued to increase…YEAH! We had to wait until September 5th for a sonogram, what a wonderful but nervous wait that was.

I luckily did not work the day of the sonogram, I was so nervous. The night before I had a dream we were going to find four babies, Brandon thought I was crazy and was sticking to twins. Dr. Lee started the scan and then called her nurse in, they then called in the sonographer that works with another doctor in the office. I was terrified of what they were going to say, I just knew something bad happened and I had all of these people in my room watching the monitor as they look for the babies. The sonographer said “well you had three…and now you have four.” The third fetus split into 2 creating identical twins. The room was silent, I was smiling from ear to ear and at the same time I was in complete shock. Brandon didn’t really say anything until we got to the car. Dr. Lee talked to us afterwards and told us there was a chance something could go wrong but to relax and take it all in.

The first thing that came out of Brandons mouth as we were driving down the highway was “you know we’re done right”. I agreed at the time thinking that maybe I could change his mind one day. We called our parents and they were happy but scared for us. Although it was still so early our family and close friends knew we were trying and knew there should be some results soon.
Everything went great in the following weeks, I had my weekly scan to make sure there were four heartbeats and that they were growing as they should. I was trying to eat my 4500 calories; I had morning sickness (better called all day sickness) for a long time and did not have an appetite so this was difficult. Then came November 13th, I was in my eighteenth week it was my last day of work and I didn’t feel right in the morning. On the way to work I call my OB to let them know something just wasn’t right and they told me to come in ASAP. They were so cautious as were we with any little pain or and feeling I had. I was admitted to the hospital due to incompetent cervix and had my cerclage put in. They told me after the weekend I should be able to go home, yeah right; things were steady but not improving. I laid in that hospital bed in trendelenburg position, with my feet higher than my head, which caused many headaches.

Then the fateful day came when on the sono Cody no longer had a heartbeat. I have never really talked on the blog about this, I still get so emotional and do not understand why this happened. In the sono that day I think I was the first to see that there was not a heartbeat. I remember staring at the screen and hoping that Cody was just lying in a funny position. He laid there with what looked to be his hands together over his abdomen and so still. The nurse had tears in her eyes and I knew what I saw was true. She felt so bad and didn’t know what to say, nobody did. It, so far, has been the worst day of my life and I never wish that on anyone. We call him our Hero and our childrens Guardian Angel as he sacrificed for his brother and sisters. He will always be with us and I treasure the time I got to know him in utero. I was able to feel when Logan kicked Cody in utero up until the day I delivered and all four of our babies were delivered at the same time. On a positive note I am so lucky that I can look at Logan every day and know what Cody would look like. I was told to remove the cerclage and see what happened, well being so stubborn there was no way I was going to do that. I told the doctors to tie me to the ceiling by my toes and I meant it if that was the only way to protect our babies. I was bound to prove I could do this and that I could carry our children to at least viability and much longer. My OB asked what he could do and all I could say was send me home, I was home for the week of Thanksgiving and then right back in I went.

I was then on bedrest another 80 days, 92 days in all on hospital bedrest. Believe it or not I actually miss being in the hospital. I LOVE the nurses I had, they become family and they were always there for me no matter if I needed water or someone to talk to. I miss my nurses so much and I keep saying I need to visit but I never have the time and am not ready to take the kiddos just yet. Love you ladies!!!!

I cannot believe it has already been a year and what a difference that year has made. I have three healthy babies here with me and love them more than life. They are my world and I would do anything for them. Brandon is such a wonderful father and tries to spend time with each one individually every day when he gets home. Everyone is doing great. Naps and sleep at night is still a work in progress. The girls are eating more cereal, only through bottle, we are still working on Logans allergies with everything.

Okay, I have gone on more than I had planned, but some things just needed to come out. Thank you to everyone that has been there whether we know you or not, I know there were so many prayers out there for us from our family, friends, and blogger family. Thank you to our family that has come down from Michigan to help. Thank you to our neighbors for stopping in to help out and for the delicious food. I don’t know where we would be without every single one of you. I hope one day we can help you all in some way. We love you all!

Here are some recent pictures of the little ones.

Bumbo time!

Logan and Mommy spending quality time

This is what happens when you don't nap or
sleep at night.

Madison and Logan loving on each other

Madison striking a pose...too sweet!

The girls during gym time...they love "talking" to everything

Sweet sweet Elizabeth

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Madison showing off, we cannot wait for them
to all do this every feed

A little more sisterly loving!

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Love - Amy-Jo


Cousin Heidi said...

Amy Jo those babies are just adorable , it is good you talked about Cody just remember God does things for a reason even if you don't understand at the time. You are an AMAZING person Mother and Wife . Love cousin Heidi

Anonymous said...

Good morning Amy, such a beautiful blog you have written, you are such a very special mommy, daughter, granddaughter, and wife to Brandon. The three babies are so lucky to have you as their mommy. We are so happy for all of you and love you so much. It will just keep getting better as time goes on, be happy and have a wonderful life. You know FAMILY is everything and we do have a wonderful one.
hugs & love----Nana

Joanne said...

Good Morning dear Amy (and Brandon and your sweet babies),just finished reading your beautiful blog and I am sitting here crying. Where does a year go? The babies are adorable. We consider it a privilege to have been a part of the Calif prayer team and continue to pray for all of you. Give hugs and kisses to all.
Love and prayers, Joanne

Anonymous said...

Amy Jo and Brandon,
It is truly amazing how fast and furiously life can change:o) But it is also so beautiful :o) We are so happy for you guys and you know we are here for anything and everything. We love coming over to see you and the babies and are just amazed at what a strong family you guys are. I think in the last year you have definitely run the gamut of emotions but you got such amazing and gorgeous gifts for it :o) Happy day today for everything you have gone through and how far youve come :o) Enjoy those babies because they just grow up too fast. Tori, Clay, Alanna, and Major

KSDallas said...

I found you through someone else's blog so I never knew your whole story. I think I came in right around the birth.

It was sad to read, but of course in the end you delivered 3 beautiful babies. I am sure it was difficult to type, but hopefully sharing your story will help you heal, as well as inspire someone else who might be going through something similar.

Best Wishes from Dallas, TX.


Stephanie said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I have been reading about those sweet babies for a long time, and I know that was hard for you to talk about.
They are getting so big..they are just precious!!

Anonymous said...

Oh AJ, where to start. Cried all the way through it. In my own selfish moment, remembering getting the news from you guys about Cody and sitting on my floor at home crying. Cody is and always will be AMAZING. Simply amazing!
How could he not be with such WONDERFUL mother.
Remembering the journay can really help you appreciate even those bad days you have now.
PS Madi is so bite sized.
They do look SOOO grown up in their bumbos though!

Mountain Girl said...

I think of Cody every time I read your blog. I have a special friend named Cody Richard so your baby boy hit home with me! What a hero he was to save his siblings who are adorable! I love the picture of Logan asleep in his bumbo! Thank you for sharing your story.

King Quads said...

Great pictures Amy! I can't believe how big they are getting already. They are just beautiful!

Amy-Jo said...

Case we love you too...all of you! It makes me feel a little better that others think of Cody as I do. Not a day goes by where he is not on my mind. Thank you all for so many well wishes and for being there through everything!

Cochran Quads said...

Okay, you really should have sent out an e-mail before hand or made the title of the post: Sandra: don't shave your legs or do your makeup before reading this! I am getting ready to go have a"night on the town" all dolled up, legs silky smooth, read this and I've got chills and mascara dripping! Cody is SUCH a hero!! When the three are older they will know him as Hero Cody. They won't need superman capes or to wish on falling stars, they've got their SuperHERO!! And Mom, they also have a superHero in you! You are amazing! You were amazing trying to conceive through today being an amazing parent!! I can't wait to throw my arms around you one day!! Love You Woman!!

Suzanne said...

okay, wow. tears streaming down my face. woman- you are a rock star. i remember casey calling me over thanksgiving break and updating me about everything going on. my heart BROKE for you and your sweet hero- baby cody. you are amazing for trusting your mommy instinct, going against the doctors, and doing whatever it took to keep those babies inside and protected. and LOOK AT THEM NOW! adorable and thriving! seriously. what an incredible mother...thank you for sharing a deep part of your heart with us.

love you!

Moni Graf said...

So much can happen in a year. THank you for recounting your last 12 months with us....the highest highs and lowest lows. Cody will ALWAYS be your hero! What an awesome tribute to your little man. Can't wait to meet his super-star mama!!!

Love you!

Dena said...

Amy-Jo that was a beautiful, heartfelt post that brought me back to that scary time. I thank my Lord that Logan, Madi, and Lizy are healthy, 5 month babies. I think about Cody and miss him, our little hero. Thank you for sharing your little ones with me - they are so, so precious. I love the pictures - makes me miss them even more, they are getting so big. I tell everyone what a patient, loving, mother you are. Your babies are blessed to have such awesome parents. Love you all and miss you. Mom

Misty said...

COdy is a HERO! But don't take away what a HERO and Champion you are to ALL FOUR of your babies! I have tears down my cheeks. I wish I would have read this before seeing you today, I would have given you an even bigger hug.
The babies are gorgeous & getting so big.
I love you & your amazing courage & strength.

Candace Hickey said...

Hey girl....nice to see you Thurs. night!! I am going to add your blog to my list!! Cute babies!!

Lindsay F. said...

What a beautiful story to tell. I always knew one of your special contributions to this world would be a mother, and so God gave you 4 to love. Cody is an angel. And Lizy, Madi and Logan will know Cody's story over time. I am so glad the past year turned out to be so great (yet trying at times) but in the end, you have 3 healthy babies. You are so blessed! And you deserve all of it!!! I keep rooting for you and glad to be able to watch them grow. The bumbo chair pics crack me up. They are all so "adult" about sitting, like they always do that! How precious.
I'll keep you in my prayers and hope you get more and more sleep as they grow.

Andrew and Jenica said...

The babies all look so beautiful and very healthy now. What is that lovely contraption holding up Madison's bottle? We need one of those for the one on the way.