One year ago today our lives were changed forever. This was the last chance our insurance would pay for an IUI and our next step which was IVF was going to be out of pocket. We had been trying to conceive for over two years and had some really tough months. Dr Lee our Reproductive Endocrinologist was positive from day one that I would get pregnant some day, just not sure when or how. I had already had five months of injections plus medicine, one which worked and ended in an ectopic pregnancy. The shots Brandon had to inject in my stomach were a different brand this month plus I was taking even more medicine. I remember being more nervous this time as I was just drained emotionally and was not sure how many more times I could be disappointed.
After eight days of waiting on August 1st we found out we were expecting, we already knew we were pregnant from a home pregnancy test; I took this 3 days before it should have found a positive pregnancy. The day we found out the IUI worked (officially) the nurse called and told me my HCG numbers, we were hoping for at least 50, and when she said my numbers were 865 I was in disbelief. I asked what this meant and I was told we were most likely pregnant with “at least twins”. When I told Brandon this he went into complete shock and couldn’t wait to get to the doctors’ office for a scan. I repeated blood tests to make sure my levels were not dropping and they just continued to increase…YEAH! We had to wait until September 5th for a sonogram, what a wonderful but nervous wait that was.
I luckily did not work the day of the sonogram, I was so nervous. The night before I had a dream we were going to find four babies, Brandon thought I was crazy and was sticking to twins. Dr. Lee started the scan and then called her nurse in, they then called in the sonographer that works with another doctor in the office. I was terrified of what they were going to say, I just knew something bad happened and I had all of these people in my room watching the monitor as they look for the babies. The sonographer said “well you had three…and now you have four.” The third fetus split into 2 creating identical twins. The room was silent, I was smiling from ear to ear and at the same time I was in complete shock. Brandon didn’t really say anything until we got to the car. Dr. Lee talked to us afterwards and told us there was a chance something could go wrong but to relax and take it all in.
The first thing that came out of Brandons mouth as we were driving down the highway was “you know we’re done right”. I agreed at the time thinking that maybe I could change his mind one day. We called our parents and they were happy but scared for us. Although it was still so early our family and close friends knew we were trying and knew there should be some results soon.
Everything went great in the following weeks, I had my weekly scan to make sure there were four heartbeats and that they were growing as they should. I was trying to eat my 4500 calories; I had morning sickness (better called all day sickness) for a long time and did not have an appetite so this was difficult. Then came November 13th, I was in my eighteenth week it was my last day of work and I didn’t feel right in the morning. On the way to work I call my OB to let them know something just wasn’t right and they told me to come in ASAP. They were so cautious as were we with any little pain or and feeling I had. I was admitted to the hospital due to incompetent cervix and had my cerclage put in. They told me after the weekend I should be able to go home, yeah right; things were steady but not improving. I laid in that hospital bed in trendelenburg position, with my feet higher than my head, which caused many headaches.
Then the fateful day came when on the sono Cody no longer had a heartbeat. I have never really talked on the blog about this, I still get so emotional and do not understand why this happened. In the sono that day I think I was the first to see that there was not a heartbeat. I remember staring at the screen and hoping that Cody was just lying in a funny position. He laid there with what looked to be his hands together over his abdomen and so still. The nurse had tears in her eyes and I knew what I saw was true. She felt so bad and didn’t know what to say, nobody did. It, so far, has been the worst day of my life and I never wish that on anyone. We call him our Hero and our childrens Guardian Angel as he sacrificed for his brother and sisters. He will always be with us and I treasure the time I got to know him in utero. I was able to feel when Logan kicked Cody in utero up until the day I delivered and all four of our babies were delivered at the same time. On a positive note I am so lucky that I can look at Logan every day and know what Cody would look like. I was told to remove the cerclage and see what happened, well being so stubborn there was no way I was going to do that. I told the doctors to tie me to the ceiling by my toes and I meant it if that was the only way to protect our babies. I was bound to prove I could do this and that I could carry our children to at least viability and much longer. My OB asked what he could do and all I could say was send me home, I was home for the week of Thanksgiving and then right back in I went.
I was then on bedrest another 80 days, 92 days in all on hospital bedrest. Believe it or not I actually miss being in the hospital. I LOVE the nurses I had, they become family and they were always there for me no matter if I needed water or someone to talk to. I miss my nurses so much and I keep saying I need to visit but I never have the time and am not ready to take the kiddos just yet. Love you ladies!!!!
I cannot believe it has already been a year and what a difference that year has made. I have three healthy babies here with me and love them more than life. They are my world and I would do anything for them. Brandon is such a wonderful father and tries to spend time with each one individually every day when he gets home. Everyone is doing great. Naps and sleep at night is still a work in progress. The girls are eating more cereal, only through bottle, we are still working on Logans allergies with everything.
Okay, I have gone on more than I had planned, but some things just needed to come out. Thank you to everyone that has been there whether we know you or not, I know there were so many prayers out there for us from our family, friends, and blogger family. Thank you to our family that has come down from Michigan to help. Thank you to our neighbors for stopping in to help out and for the delicious food. I don’t know where we would be without every single one of you. I hope one day we can help you all in some way. We love you all!
Here are some recent pictures of the little ones.
Logan and Mommy spending quality time
This is what happens when you don't nap or
sleep at night.
sleep at night.
Madison and Logan loving on each other
Madison showing off, we cannot wait for them
to all do this every feed